The Karmic Plan: Abusive Situations Part 2

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How interesting is the study of karma! Let us look at another other example of how things can work. Let’s say that you are the child, sibling or spouse of an abusive person. Karmically, you have several options.

Option 1: You do nothing, staying with the person and accepting the abuse all of your life. The karma here is that possibly in a past life, you contributed to the pain of another and earned negative karma because you continued to let a terrible situation continue when you could have done something else. Now, in present day, you are still not helping your karmic situation because you are allowing the abuse to continue. You helped your abuser to earn negative karma because you have allowed them to continue to abuse you in this awful, hurtful pattern. Very little is ever worked out between you. You will both get to come back and face each other again in another life.

Option 2: You can be the bigger person and suggest that you both try to get counseling together, hoping that the other party will be willing to realize that perhaps they are sharing in the contribution to the abusive situation, the unhappiness. The person says forget it, you are the one with the problem. Ok so that didn’t work. If you get angry with the other person and blame them for not getting help, then still very little progress is made. Realizing that there is a problem is a major step, continuing to play the blame game still gets you nowhere. Probably, you will get another go in another lifetime.

Option 3: You decide to stay with the person and get counseling yourself. You discover that you have a lot of anger and that it will take a while to work all this out. You give it six months and then decide that you have done enough. You stay with the person and live a resentful life. Ok, looks like another go around in the future. Although some karmic progress is made, there is still a lot of room for growth here.

Option 4: You decide to stay with the person and dedicate yourself to your own personal growth and really put your heart, soul and finances into clearing out old stuff with this person even if they do not participate. You learn that you are the only one who can change and that the other person cannot be asked to change. This makes you angry, but you get over it and slowly begin to stop judging this person. You really grow. You stay with them but discover that healing is really slow. However, the more you change, the more the other person responds to you differently and happily, that person begins to change and a gradual emotional and spiritual evolution begins. You are making serious karmic progress, because you now look at the whole world differently, more positively and more hopefully. Depending on degree of progress, you may or may not return to have another life together.

Option 5: You decide that staying with this person is so physically, emotionally and/or spiritually dangerous [depending on the degree of abuse] that to ever grow, you will have to leave. This takes a tremendous amount of courage to trust that you will still be all right and that you can find the financial and emotional resources to grow and to heal. As you are ready for this, a teacher appears. Things seem to work out because you have used your faith in yourself and the spiritual side of you to really grow. Now, the abusive relationship was an experience to learn from, to grow from and to karmically heal. Eventually you learn to forgive this person and to be grateful for the experience they offered you. You learn that even if you cannot be with them physically to help them, that you can continue to send them your love and kindness and that through this positive aspect of faith and love, BOTH of you can eventually heal on many levels, although for the other person who makes no effort, healing will be much slower. Remember, life in a physical body is the hardest and most precious schoolhouse.

By Tina Erwin

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